Who Am I? A Journey into Awakening – Part 1

For the first post of 2024, I will attempt to answer life’s main question: Who am I?

I shall use my own experiences and realizations to explain.

The Initial Years

When we first arrive in this world, we form a deep connection with our mother. This bond then shapes our earliest perception of the world.

Our brain develops rapidly during this time. We begin learning simple things like recognizing faces, developing motor skills, and learning to talk. We learn from imitation and mimic our surroundings .

A sense of “I” is developed between the ages of 2 to 4, where we differentiate ourselves from our mother. We start to form an identity and differentiate ourselves as separate individuals. This begins the formation of the ego – our psychological construct of self-identity.

The Ego

The ego helps us differentiate ourselves from others. It is also built on stories and beliefs that we accumulate over time. Our family and friends, for example, might have told us that we’re smart and kind. We slowly internalize these messages over time as defining aspects of our identity.

Society and media also bombard us with narratives about life. These narratives become ingrained into our identities, which can then further extend to identifications with race, nationality, religion and gender.

More importantly, the ego is driven to keep itself safe. Why? The ego is fundamentally rooted in fear, as it sees itself as separate and vulnerable. This sense of separation creates an underlying anxiety that drives many actions. It also constantly seeks validation from external sources to reinforce its constructed self-image. We often rely on external opinions or societal norms to measure our worthiness.

Awakening – the Initial Phase

We begin on the spiritual path for many reasons. There may be a deep-seated dissatisfaction with life, a yearning for truth, or an underlying discontent that wealth and recognition aren’t able to fill. Whatever reason it is, it may be enough to spark the journey inwards.

In the initial phase, we may begin to realize we are not the ego. As explained above, the ego is a psychological construct. We can also see the ego as a reflex of the mind identifying itself with the contents of experience.

We may also realize that we are not our thoughts. Thoughts come and go… anything that comes and go is impermanent and not who we truly are. Because we can observe our thoughts, we are the observer and not the observed.

Like thoughts, emotions are transient. They fluctuate based on external circumstances and thoughts. Again, anything that comes and go is impermanent and not who we truly are. Because we can witness our emotions, it indicates that we are the experiencer of emotions.

With this realization, we may begin to slowly recognize the difference between experiencer and the objects of the experience. The observer and the observed. What does this mean for our body?

We experience the body’s needs and desires, pleasures and pain. We experience this body as “my body.” But guess what? The body replaces its cells every few years. The body changes, ages and dies. Anything that comes and go is impermanent and not who we truly are. The body is an object in our experience, not the subject.

We aren’t our egos, our thoughts, our emotions or our bodies. So who are we then?

Cosmic Consciousness – The First Stage

We dive deeper beyond the mind and realize that there is an awareness always witnessing, watching and listening. Through meditation, the gap between our thoughts grow wider. We notice that this awareness always seems to be observing.

Underneath the ego, thoughts and emotions, what is witnessing?

We start to realize the true nature of this witnessing observer is not confined to our individual selves.

It is pure consciousness.

The observer stops witnessing outwards, looks back and begins to witness itself…

Consciousness then wakes up to itself and recognizes that the individual person – you – is simply one expression of a indivisible whole. You begin to understand that you are not just a wave but contain the entire ocean. The identification now shifts from a localized “I” to a global “I.” The individual self still exists but is realized as a wave in the vast ocean of consciousness.

We may experience God as pure consciousness at this stage. We realize that there is no separation between “I” and “God.”

Acts 17:28: “For in Him we live and move and have our being.”
John 10:30: “I and the Father are one.” 

Part 2 here